8th Grade Celebration Dance

"I hope your dreams take you.....
to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes,
to the windows of your opportunities,
and to the most special places your heart has ever known." author unknown

Kelsey graduates from middle school this week......We are very proud of all that you have accomplished. We love you!!

Our Little Jumping Bean

Today Mike and I went in for my 12 week ultrasound. The baby was moving all over the place. At first its little arms were waving and then it kept bouncing back and forth, almost like it was kicking its legs and shooting itself backwards....it went back and forth the entire time the tech was trying to do the ultrasound. It even looked liked he or she had the hiccups! The ultrasound tech said that we have a very active little baby.

Everything looked very healthy and the baby was measuring 3 days ahead of the last ultrasound I had done. The girls are still hoping for a little girl, and Jacob is hoping to increase the male population in our house. I did get one quick glimpse of this little ones genital tubercle and it looked like it was pointing more north than south. All little girl and boy parts start out looking the same, but they do point in different directions.....boys more up....and little girls point more down. So just maybe....Jacob will be getting his wish. It will be fun to find out what this little one actually is next month. We are so thankful that everything is looking really healthy so far.
Above is our baby at somewhere between 12.3 and 12.6 weeks of life. Below are some neat pictures that I found on getty images of a 12 week old baby, so this is what baby McKean would look like if you could take a sneak peek at him or her. For those of you who don't know what the "CRL" means on the little baby ticker over to the right, that means how long the baby is from head to bottom - the crown rump length. They never measure the whole length of a baby until much later in pregnancy. Keep growing healthy and strong little one, we are so excited for you to be joining our family.

Our New Little Addition

Okay.....so I've been keeping a little secret. We really haven't told many people, but we will be adding a new little one to our family sometime around Dec. 17th. My children have been busy telling the world, even though they were asked to keep the news quiet for a while.

This picture was taken 3 weeks ago, at 6 1/2 weeks. I have had the little baby craving going on for a couple of years now. We weren't trying for this baby.....just not worrying about if it happened or not. My lady system has been very screwed up for a couple of years now, and the nurse at my doctors office told me she was very surprised I was even able to get pregnant.

One friend wrote me after hearing the news, that this little one was "Our ray of sunshine...our little rainbow per se....after a crumby, crumby year." I loved that! Our own little rainbow after the storm.....we can't wait to meet you! We are loving you already!!!

First Track Meet of the Year

Last Thursday was the first track meet of the season for the middle school. Both Emily and Kelsey are participating this year.

Emily and Fiona

Emily ran the 800 and survived.....

Nico and Kelsey

Kelsey ran the 4x200 meter relay race.....that is her to the far left just starting out.

Yikes....someone is about to catch up with her!! Kelsey's group ended up getting disqualified. The girl Kelsey had to hand off her baton to, started running too early.

When we were leaving, a whole family of deer walked all the way with us to our (very dirty) car.

Our Maui Trip

Warning - lots of pictures!! Mike and I got back from our trip to Maui late last Wednesday. We had a really nice time and it was the most relaxed I've felt in a really long time. We stayed in a wonderful condo that was literally right on the ocean. We could not have had a more fabulous view. The condo was my favorite part of the whole trip. I spent a lot of time just laying on the couch looking out at the view and listening to the waves.
This is the view that we had from the lanai. We sat here a lot all through out the day and ate breakfast outside every morning. The water was so clear, that we could see fish and giant sea turtles swimming in the ocean. How neat is that!?!

This is a picture looking out to the right of the lanai. We swam in the pool a couple of times and only had to share the pool once with other people.

We watched for a few minutes as this giant tuna was gutted.

I believe this was called Twin Falls park (there were mosquitoes there - hate them!)

I took a ton of pictures of flowers, they were too pretty to pass up!

This was a really neat Banyon tree that was in Lahaina and it took up one whole street corner. It was amazing! I think it was some where around 160 years old. The tree sends down vines, and once they touch the ground, the vines turn into a new trunk. These new trunks then support the heavy branches that reach out. It reminded us of something at Disneyland.

We took a drive up to a winery on the island. The drive was pretty with rolling hills, miles and miles of lava rock walls and lots of pretty, purple blooming trees.

The winery has only been in operation for around 35-40 years and was originally the home site for some different wealthy people and different kings used to come and stay there. The grounds were filled with some really old trees that were just fabulous.

One thing that I was not expecting when we went to Maui, was how barren and dry it is there. The ocean was beautiful, but the land was kind of ugly. The places that were pretty, were really only peoples properties, hotel sites and at our condo we rented. I was always really happy to just go back to our condo and stare out at our view, it was the best view we saw any where.

There was a bad brush fire that started right south of the town we were staying in. We just happened to be coming back from our drive to the winery right after it had started. So we got to sit in some bad traffic and watch as the helicopters tried to put out the fire. The fire burned through the night and they ended up having to close the road into town. So the next day we couldn't leave the town we were staying in.

All in all we had a wonderful time. It was pretty warm and humid the whole time we were there. We just cooled ourselves off with treats like gelato and coconut milk ice cream - that stuff is great! We did have one little misadventure when Mike accidentally locked the rental car keys in the trunk of the car. Thankfully we were at the condo and not out somewhere. The rental car place drove 45 minutes to bring us a key and didn't charge us one penny. We just tipped the lady and called it good. It kind of made up a little for the car being a piece of junk. It was a 2007 Chrysler and it only reaffirmed our love for Japanese cars. So anyways, we had a wonderful time and can't wait to do something like this again.

Something To Look Forward To

Lahaina, Maui (Picture taken from the Internet)

The morning that we were getting ready for Dad's funeral, Mike had to call into a meeting for work. I remember feeling slightly annoyed that they had asked him to call in. Mike has telephone conference calls that he does every Tuesday from the house. They involve people in his immediate office and also some of the head people in Atlanta that run the company. Mike wasn't looking forward to the call. He thought he might be getting a lecture on the fact that the group of people he manages, were slightly behind on their tasks. Little did he know, there would be no lecture in that phone call.

Mike's boss announced during the conference call who would be receiving the companies employee award this year. This award goes to an employee who went above and beyond their required duties. Mike was speechless when they announced that he was being given the award this year and that we would be getting a four day paid trip to St. Martin. When he told me about it after he got off the phone, I thought he was joking.

The trip was planned for the end of April with some of the people that are in charge of the company. We had the option of going on the trip or receiving the money that would be spent on the trip. We looked over the dates and details....two full days of travel....and two full days in St. Martin. We had a hard time deciding what to do. In the end, we decided to take the money and plan our own trip. When Mike and I were married....cough...cough...coming up on 17 years ago, we went to Hawaii on our honeymoon. We decided then that we would try and make it back for our 10th anniversary. Well, it never happened. All our trips are to California, Utah, Disneyland, the Oregon coast etc., (kid friendly trips.)

The end of April we will be heading to Lahaina, Maui and staying in a condo right on the beach, for six nights and seven days. It makes me smile to just think about it. I've been psychically and mentally exhausted lately, so I'm hoping this trip will be good for my soul. A chance to breathe, relax and spend some alone time with Mike. The kids will be staying with my Mom, so I'm sure they will be nice company for her.

So let the count down begin..... only 14 days until we will feel the warm sun upon us!

Four Weeks

This evening marked four weeks since losing Dad. I don't know where four weeks has gone, and that kind of scares me. I think that I like the first stage of grief better than the second. Good old denial. It's much better than the next stage: pain. Over the last month I have thought a few times, that just maybe, I would wake up and Dad would still be here. I kept thinking that denial was a strange phase. Hadn't I just watched my Dad deteriorate before my eyes? My family and I held his hands for five days straight, we watched him struggle for every breath and then heard and watched as he took his final few breaths of life. How could I possibly feel that in any way what he or we had just been through, was all just a nightmare? Denial has a way of making you feel like you are a little wacky in the head.

I have to function for my kids. They have to go to school, they need their lunches made, dinner cooked for them, and their homework looked after. But I know that "I'm" not really there right now, I'm just going through the motions, my mind is a million miles away. I hear very little that is said to me. I'm preoccupied with the thought of my Dad not being here anymore....all the time. Almost like a red blinking light before my eyes....he's gone.....he's gone...... My heart aches, my soul is weary, and the rest of me just feels numb. I'm thankful that I don't have any guilt over anything. I have nothing that I would have changed or done differently regarding my Dad. I gave him all I had to give, and I think he knew that. I didn't just tell him that I loved him, I showed him the love that I had for him. That alone, is a small comfort in this deep sea of grief.

I remember a few weeks ago making a comment about feeling like most of the things that I pray about, that I don't get the answer I'm hoping for. I wanted Dad to some how just be okay, I wanted one more miracle for him. Last night I came across this quote, and it instantly struck me that I needed to learn from it. "People who pray for miracles, don't usually get miracles.....But people who pray for courage, for strength to bear the unbearable, for the grace to remember what they have left, instead of what they have lost, very often find their prayers answered.....Their prayers help them tap hidden reserves of faith and courage which were not available to them before." - Harold S. Kushner

Two weeks ago when I was mowing, I had this strange sensation that my Dad was walking beside me. I remember thinking that if his spirit was near, what an odd place and time for him to show up. I couldn't let the opportunity pass by though, and I whispered to him, ...."I love you Dad."

He may have taken a piece of my heart with him, but he will forever be a part of my heart that is left. "To live in the hearts that we leave behind is not to die." - Thomas Campbell-Leo Buscaglia

I love you Dad........

Easter 2010

Today we had a Easter brunch at our house with our family, Nana, Uncle Brett, our nephew Trevor and our neighbor Parker (who's family was out of town.) After brunch we all headed over to the cemetery to take Dad some Easter flowers. Dad's headstone was up last Sunday when we visited, but it was pouring rain and we didn't remember to bring our camera. Hopefully they will get the grass in soon in this section. The wind was blowing and it had knocked over a lot of the flowers that people had brought. The kids enjoyed walking all over the cemetery fixing everything that had fallen over.

Something about seeing his name on this headstone is very surreal for me. I know he is no longer with us, but there is a big part of me that wants to think he is just off flying on a work trip. I guess he is on a different kind of trip. Dad's just flying with angel wings instead.

(Mom with Dad)

(Brett and I with Dad)

Emily made Papa his own egg.